Waiting...

A friend shared this with me this week, and it seems appropriate as we prepare for bed, now that our sweet baby's due date has come and almost gone...

Waiting

Dear Baby, here beneath my heart,

I thought that you might come today;

the timing just seemed right.

But the stars are out

and the moon is high

and sheepishly I wonder why

I try to arrange the plans of God.

For now I know

You will not come

until the One who holds eternity

rustles your soft cocoon and

whispers in tones that I will not hear,

"It's time, precious gift."

"Now it's time."

I will wait on the Lord...

And I will hope in Him.

Here am I and the children whom the Lord has given me!

Isaiah 8:17-18

Celebrations

We have been doing A LOT of celebrating lately.

At the end of April, some very special friends (Tiffany, Larissa, Stephanie, and Lauren) threw us a baby shower here in Bentonville. It was a beautiful shower full of lots of thoughful details, and we got lots of practical and creative gifts that will be a huge help when the baby arrives. It was also extra special because my mom and grandma came up to join in the festivities, and they even spent a day with me at school.

We also spent the second week of May in Chicago celebrating Rusty's Ph.D. graduation. It was SUCH a special time, enjoying our last vacation before the baby comes, spending quality time with our families, and watching Rusty graduation after years of hard work on his Ph.D. We had an amazing time.

It's hard to imagine we can continue this way, but in 6 short weeks, we'll be welcoming our baby girl. Let the celebration continue!

Taking Over

We are having a baby.

If we hadn't realized it before, this week it's become all too apparent that a baby is taking over our lives. Our home office has been slowly disassembled. Every room, from the garage to the guest bath, is sprinkled with baby things or things that have been displaced from other parts of the house. We are now owners of distinctly baby objects. Crib. Car seat. Diapers. Board books. Toys. Gobs and gobs and gobs of baby clothes. Yesterday we painted the nursery, and today I made up her crib with gorgeous homemade bedding. (I know that it's AGES too early, but I couldn't wait!)

Not only is her STUFF taking over, but her little body is decidedly taking over mine! I am 28 weeks pregnant (on Tuesday) and my little girl is moving all the time! Her little kicks and punches have turned into full body waves, and I can feel her on both sides of my belly.

Friday night we went out to dinner and I was keenly aware that our days as a carefree family of two are limited. Yep, there's a baby taking over. We are anxiously awaiting her arrival, but for now, we're enjoying the wait.

Baby B's Beautiful Bedding

A Special Weekend

This weekend Rusty and I made a super quick trip home for our first baby shower. It was hard to squeeze everything that we love to do in Clovis into the 36 hours that we spent there (sandwiched between 10 hour drives), but it was SO worth the trip. We got in a bit of quality family time, a LOT of delicious Mexican food, and an amazingly lovely baby shower.
Every detail was so beautiful, and I felt incredibly overwhelmed with love and the generosity of my hometown community! I will admit that I have been a bit nervous about how we were going to get this baby everything that she needs (or everything I think she needs :), but this weekend reminded me that we are not alone and there are many, many people who are all too happy to help us welcome our baby girl.

A Little Babymoon

For my Spring Break, Rusty and I were privileged to travel to the Dominican Republic. He's taking our teen group there in July for what we hope will be the beginning of a long church partnership, and he needed to tie up some loose ends, so the church was gracious enough to send the two of us! We spent two days with the Lepleys, a couple who serves there as the Work and Witness coordinators, and then we spent two days "scouting out the beach". We met some amazing people, heard some very moving stories, and of course, had some amazing R&R time.

Rethinking Body Image

Yesterday I got a new American Baby magazine, which I was apparently subscribed to after my first Motherhood shopping trip. Two articles caught my attention. The first, "Best Styles for Your Baby Bump" made me laugh out loud. Um, yeah right, how about whatever fits and doesn't cost a fortune? (This is as opposed to the $100 tunic featured on one page of the magazine.) The second article, "Dancing With the Scars", a woman's post-natal journey toward loving her body through belly dancing, among other things, proved more thought provoking and appropriate for my journey.

Pregnancy has come with all sorts of feelings that I had not expected. My gratitude, wonder, and joy over becoming a mother and having the privilege of actually growing this little girl inside of me has been tempered with a variety of weird, frustrating, and disgusting "symptoms", and something else too...shame. Yep, shame.

From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I began to worry. Would I gain too much weight? Would I show too soon? This self-talk was only made worse by the comments of others...referring to my "center spread", telling me my baby would be big because I was already big, etc.. Only days after seeing that positive pregnancy test, I enrolled in several developmental email services, only to find that they came with unsolicited almost daily emails about exercise, nutrition, and weight gain.

Over Christmas break, I read a wonderful book, Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat?, which confirmed what I was already sensing. The already enormous pressures on women to achieve impossible and unnatural levels of thinness and beauty only magnify when she becomes pregnant. It seems ridiculous. Healthy pregnancy automatically means weight gain and drastic bodily changes, yet somehow we're made to feel as if we will avoid these things if we eat and move in the "right" ways.

The author of "Dancing With the Scars" struck a powerful chord with me when she wrote that she realized that with every look at her marked mid-section, she desperately wished to look as if she had never been pregnant. This realization led her to another...motherhood had profoundly changed her in every way possible. Her body was no exception, nor should it be.

Her epiphanies led to some of my own. It occurred to me that I have spent many days wishing the same thing. I want and already love this baby more than I can say, but I've been hoping that I could conveniently grow and birth my daughter without the extra poundage, strange silhouette, wardrobe crises, etc. Why should something as earth shattering as motherhood not change the very vessel I live my life in? Why shouldn't the profound miracle of growing this baby in my own body mark every part of me?

Along this journey, I've learned a few things with my head that I'm still working on in my heart. First, my attitude toward my body will certainly shape the way the little girl I'm growing views hers. So while I want to teach her to make healthy choices, I want her to celebrate who she is, how she's been made, and the wondrous things that her body can do. That means knowing what's important about her body, and for me, there are two things. First, I have been created by a great and loving God who has called me good. Living life in this body is truly an act of worship. Secondly, my body is a vessel, created to do some amazing things. So while it may not look the way I'd like, it's lived a lot of life and it's creating a miracle. So in the words of Anne Lamott, "it's perfect in every way that's important". And indeed, it is.

20 Weeks and a Baby Girl

On Monday, we had "the big ultrasound". The best news is that the baby is developing beautifully! AND we no longer have to say "it", or "he or she", or even just "the baby", because now we know that our baby is a little girl. We can't wait to meet her!

The Ultrasound


Celebration Lunch at Chili's (the same place we ate after our wedding )

20 week pic

Tonight I tried a new recipe from my Vegetarian magazine. Rusty and I LOVE falafel, so when I saw this recipe for homemade falafel, I had to try it. It didn't quite live up to the pita we shared on the banks of the Seine (pictured above) or even Denver's yummy Garbanzo, but it was pretty good, and we'll definitely be having it again. We stuffed ours in warm wheat pita with rice, lettuce, tomato, hummus, yogurt sauce, and tahini dip. Rusty added olives and a side of fries. Next time I'll skip the yogurt sauce, but otherwise, it was perfect.

Homemade Falafel

Vegetarian Times Issue: September 8, 2008 p.73

If you like the deep-fried chickpea patties in Mediterranean restaurants, you’ll love this lighter version.

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ingredient list

Serves 8

Falafel

• 1 15-oz. can chickpeas, rinsed and drained
• 3 Tbs. tahini
• 1 large egg
• 2 Tbs. grated lemon zest
• 1½ tsp. ground cumin
• 1 clove garlic, minced (1 tsp.)
• 1 tsp. lemon juice
• 1 tsp. ground coriander
• ½ tsp. chili powder
• ¼ tsp. salt (or to taste)
• ¼ cup all-purpose flour
• 2 Tbs. finely chopped onion
• 2 Tbs. chopped parsley
• ½ tsp. baking powder
• Olive oil, for frying

Yogurt Sauce

• 2 cups plain nonfat yogurt
• 3 Tbs. chopped cilantro
• 2 Tbs. lemon juice
• 2 Tbs. grated lemon zest
• 1 Tbs. ground cumin

Directions

1. To make Falafel: Pulse chickpeas, tahini, egg, lemon zest, cumin, garlic, lemon juice, coriander, chili powder, and salt in blender or food processor until mostly smooth, but still chunky. Transfer to bowl, and stir in flour, onion, parsley, and baking powder.
2. Shape 1/4 cup chickpea mixture into 1-inch-thick patty, and place on platter. Repeat with remaining chickpea mixture. (Falafel patties can be made ahead and refrigerated overnight.)
3. Pour enough olive oil into large skillet to have 1/4 inch in bottom. Heat over medium-high heat. Place patties in pan, making sure patties don’t touch. Cook 3 minutes per side, or until golden brown. Transfer to paper-towel-lined platter to drain. Repeat with remaining patties.
4. To make Yogurt Sauce: Combine all ingredients in serving bowl. Season with salt and pepper. Serve with warm Falafel.

18 Weeks

It's really hard to believe that I'm 18 weeks pregnant, but nevertheless...Here's what this week's email had to say about Baby Bronco:

At 18 weeks pregnant, your baby is hitting the height chart at five and a half inches long (remember, that's crown to rump) and weighs about five ounces (the weight of that boneless chicken breast you're making for dinner).

And now for the skill of the week (drum roll please…): The art of the yawn has been mastered by your baby (someone's sleepy!). In fact, you might catch a glimpse of that adorable yawn if you're getting an ultrasound this month. You'll also catch a glimpse of all the fetal movement your baby's doing — twists, rolls, kicks, and punches. And would you believe your baby is finally big enough for you to start feeling those movements now (or anytime in the next few weeks). So get ready!

Something you won't see on the ultrasound, but you'll know is in working order, is your baby's nervous system, which is maturing rapidly at this time. Nerves, now covered with a substance called myelin (which speeds messages from nerve cell to nerve cell), are forming more complex connections. And those in the brain are further specializing into the ones that serve the senses of touch, taste, smell, sight, and hearing. Talking about hearing, your baby's is growing more acute, making your little one more conscious of sounds that come from inside your body (which means you could both be listening to each other hiccup — a skill that your baby has by now).

The best parts of my pregnancy right now? The little flutters in my tummy. AND the 8 day countdown until we learn if it's a baby girl or a baby boy in there!

Dreaming

I have been dreaming a lot about our baby this week. Ever since I read that our baby can hear us now, he/she seems so much more real, and I find myself thinking about and talking to him/her throughout the day. This afternoon I was listening to an album that Rusty gave me for Christmas (while reading through my syllabi for this semester's classes). As you know, I LOVE Sara Groves. Between my brother and my husband, I was blessed with her entire collection for Christmas, and among them was Station Wagon: Songs for New Parents. I imagine that most of the songs will mean a lot more to me once Baby Bronco joins us in July, but when "Fast Asleep" came on, I could almost picture our baby sleeping peacefully...

When the night comes
polar bear cubs sleep in their caves
calves on the farm sleep in the barn
warm in the hay
nothing in this world is quite as sweet
as a tiny baby fast asleep
I could watch you to the end of time
especially when that baby is mine
kittens and pups eyes all closed up
snuggle near mom
robin's and wren's chicks have been fed
sleep until dawn
nothing in this world is quite as sweet
as a tiny baby fast asleep
I could watch you to the end of time
especially when that baby is mine

SO sweet. I love you, Baby, and I can't wait to meet you!

YUM

It's cold and snowy in Bville, so tonight we warmed up with this yummy Tomato Tortellini Soup! It's super easy, really delicious, and bonus...vegetarian. Try it out!

• 10 Servings
• Prep/Total Time: 25 min.

Ingredients

• 1 package (9 ounces) refrigerated cheese tortellini
• 2 cans (10-3/4 ounces each) reduced-sodium condensed tomato soup, undiluted
• 2 cups vegetable broth
• 2 cups 2% milk
• 2 cups half-and-half cream
• 1/2 cup chopped oil-packed sun-dried tomatoes
• 1 teaspoon onion powder
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 teaspoon dried basil
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup shredded Parmesan cheese
• Additional shredded Parmesan cheese, optional

Directions

• Cook tortellini according to package directions.
• Meanwhile, in a Dutch oven, combine the soup, broth, milk, cream, tomatoes and seasonings. Heat through, stirring frequently. Drain tortellini; carefully add to soup. Stir in cheese. Sprinkle each serving with additional cheese if desired. Yield: 10 servings (2-1/2 quarts).

14 Weeks and Counting

Today I am fourteen weeks pregnant. That means 1 trimester down and two to go!

I must admit that it hasn't been easy to wrap my head around my growing body, especially since people and media seem very free to discuss and offer advice on topics like my weight and shape.

Nevertheless, as my belly starts to look more like baby instead of too much holiday food and the clothes that don't quite fit begin to pile up, I find myself more and more welcoming of it, because it means that our fist-sized, hair-covered, movin' and groovin' chicklet is growing into the baby that we can't wait to welcome.

So, here it is...